Wind pants

DISCLAIMER: Reading/checking this blog will be a complete waste of your time. I don't have anything interesting to say. I'm not particularly astute. What I will do every post (when I post) is bring up something trivial that, more than likely, will not even make sense. Blogs from one day to another will be completely random, with absolutely no continuity. Add this to the ever-increasing pile of cyber junk out there that can only be found by a Google search. Sounds great, doesn't it? With that being said, let's get started.

Wind pants...where would we be without them? What a wonderful invention. Made out of nylon. Zippers in weird places. Hidden compartments. I venture to say that all a person needs to survive if stranded is a pair of wind pants. Use one of the pockets to trap a squirrel. Slide the zippers up and down as fast as you can to send S.O.S. signals. If you're fat enough, cut out a rectangular section and make a shelter. The possibilities are endless. Blah blah blah.

Why do I like wind pants so much? Yes, the reasons mentioned above are more than valid. For me, however, it's about convenience. Try to wear a 3 piece suit to bed and roll out the next morning without ironing. Can't do it. I haven't changed my wind pants in over a month. Why should I? The fabric wicks my sweat away. Squirt 'em down with some Febreeze and they barely smell. They make unbelievably comfy PJ's. I even bathe in them. It takes about 20-30 minutes for them to air dry.

Wind pants have taken a fashion "hit" lately. Cargo pants, jeans, and buckskin leather are all the rage in the discos. Me? I'll never abandon my wind pants. They've stuck with me (and sometimes to me) better than a brother. I say it's a sign of valor to wear wind pants. Next time you see a 300 pound guy wearing a wind suit, and he looks like he's on his way to "wack a guy 'cause he heard things," shake his hand. He's a marvel of the 21st century.

SpongeBob vs. Uncle Stew

DISCLAIMER: Reading/checking this blog will be a complete waste of your time. I don't have anything interesting to say. I'm not particularly astute. What I will do every post (when I post) is bring up something trivial that, more than likely, will not even make sense. Blogs from one day to another will be completely random, with absolutely no continuity. Add this to the ever-increasing pile of cyber junk out there that can only be found by a Google search. Sounds great, doesn't it? With that being said, let's get started.

Entry #1

An unknown philosopher from the 17th century once said, "Life is like a box of chocolates..."

I think a more adequate saying is "Life is like a sink of dirty dishes." Think about it. So much of our daily lives consist of things that we really don't want to do. Don't you ever just get sick of "things" getting in the way of your ability to get lost in an episode of Spongebob? Walk the dog. Paint the car. Water the cactus. Lick the envelopes. Flip uncle Stew over onto his stomach (bed sores). Blah Blah Blah. It never ends.

What we all need is an out; something that will "make it all just go away." I have found my out: Procrastination, my friend! That's my golden ticket! Now I know what some of you are thinking..."What are you suggesting? That we quit our jobs and sit at home watching tv? Because if you are, how would we pay the electric bill?" That's exactly what I'm suggesting. Quit your job right now. Stop showering. Don't pay your phone bill and then the creditors can't call and harrass you. "What if they take my house and tv?" To that I say, don't bother me with your petty problems. Besides, does anybody actually know who "they" are anyway?

Look, I know this line of thinking laughs in the face of conventional wisdom. Well, if you consider yourself "conventional" or "wise," then I'm not going to be able to sway you. I'm not trying to get your vote. Rwanda already has a president. I'm just trying to get you to see things from a moss grower's perspective. Maybe the next time you see some homeless guy sitting on a fold out chair watching tv through the window of another person's house, you'll have compassion on him. Just think of all the things he didn't allow himself to do in order to get where he is now. Give him a hot pocket and an orange soda. After all, he earned it.